I'm lucky if my memory remains.

Its 1:18 am on a monday night (well tuesday morning). Its okay, i'm on my summer holidays. Today (well, yesterday) I woke up in the middle of the day, feeling nasty and sweaty as you do when you wake up that late in summer. And I just went straight on the computer and did the usual bullshit. I had a proper meal at home today for once. Shit happened in the afternoon and shit happened at night. I'm not gonna give you the details because then these people will know i'm talking about them. Which doesn't bother me but i just won't do it.

It seems to me that when i'm pissed off, i'm vicious. I really am. I don't like people telling me. I don't like people telling me about my mood. If you do then i'll just get worse. Seriously. I don't wanna hear "oh my gosh here comes thunder". It just stirs me up even more. Just to let you all know i guess.

I cleaned my room, but i need to vaccume it because its all nasty and hairy (yes, hairy). And i haven't vaccumed it in ages. And i also found this 3 or so week old container of leftover pasta bits... which is fantastic because thats just so appetising.

I just realised how much i love Taylor Swift. Her and her music. For me to say that will probably surprise some people because they don't typically think of me as liking that kind of music. But hers is amazing. And I have alot of respect for her as an actual artist because she is one. She write all her own stuff, and has a natural voice. She's not a generic pop star who has people write for them and then gets their voice edited hardcore in the studio. You don't get a good artist like her these days. Generic pop stars : Singers? half the time. Artists? definitely not. The only art they create is their public look. Ahh it took me a while to figure out how to spell "definitely" correctly. I've been spelling it "defenately" or something. Which is wierd because i got like, the best ever spelling report.

I might be going to Soundwave 2010. I'm sooo excited. Some of my favourite bands are playing. All time low, Paramore, My Chemical Romance, Escape the Fate. And alot of other bands that i kind of like and interest me. Like Sunnyday Real Estate, Dance Gavin Dance, Motioncity Soundtrack, The Devil Wears Prada, Architects (already seen them) , A day to Remember (already seen them). If only Secondhand Serenade and The Scene Aesthetic were playing there. Some of my other favourite artists. And i reallyyyy wanna meet All time low, Paramore and MCR. Not so much Escape the Fate since ronnie's gone. But I still like them, just not as much. I listen to both their old and new stuff but their old stuff more.

So yeah whatever I tried to talk about enough stuff. Probably a bad idea. But yeah. There we go. I'm going to bed now.



till next time,

Friends and Alibis.

Who has friends? Most of us do. Good friends, bad friends, stupid friends, a small group of stupid friends or a large group of great friends. Either way, friends are in our lives day in day out. Somehow. Your friends are the only people you can have proper fun with, and just let loose and act like an idiot while loving it. But what if those friends are only in it for just that. You'd try to talk some sense into them about being a proper friend wouldn't you? I know i would, and i do. I'm free to express myself in any way that i possible could, yell at them to be good friends, cry so they'll feel sorry for me, kiss their feet and bribe them. There are many ways, maybe not as bizzare as suggested. But you can do it, right? No guaranteeing it will work, but you're more than welcome to do it and humiliate yourself. My friends seem like great friends dont they? They let me express myself as much as i like. Oh, sure they do. But theres always a catch. They cant care. its not that they dont care, its that they can't. I've learned that from my very wise mother and a lovely teacher at my school. They've showed me that everyone really is different. And the world is not a pretty place that serves you with good karma and even better friends. It may seem like i'm talking shit about them non stop. But I love them to bits, i really do. I just can't tell them things i would tell my boyfriend or my mother or some other friends I have. These guys make me happy when i'm around them, we have so much fun. But they don't seem to know that there is so so so much more to life than fun. And no, i will not "sit down and tell them how i feel" because that will make me look like a stupid melodramatic idiot. If you're getting pissed off at my rambling, then get pissed off and piss off. But if you wanna know, then keep reading. For the past week or so my brain has been on a constant low. My friends have been making me sad, and so has my boyfriend. Its not that my friends intentionally did anything to hurt me, they didnt betray me in any way or steal my boyfriend or something like that. They didnt do anything that friends would fight over. They just, didnt do anything, thats what makes me sad. If that makes sense. Them not doing anything makes me sad. There are a few people in particular who I wish to talk about. But i'm not going to.


Never take friendship seriously. Because there's always gonna be someone better than you. Someone who's been there for half a lifetime, when you've been there for a whole. Its not that they dont care, its that they can't. And we have to make it okay. Even though its not. We're way ahead of out time. Which isnt always a good thing. We have to live with being second best. We never should. Girls are heartless, boys are brainless. And sometimes we're all just brainless and heartless. Don't force intelligence down their throats. They can't take it. Ignorance really is bliss, and so convenient. As everything falls into place, it also falls apart. They're all laughing while they've hurt me. Not their problem, they just don't know what they haven't done, and they never will. Because they can't take intelligence. Some call it biophobia, to be nice. I'd rather call it stupidity or ignorance because of the way it makes me feel. Such a small place to go and hide from that. And no one else to turn to. Everyone has something better to do, or just upsets you when they try to turn to them. So nobody wins. Its a silent war unknown by the enemy. Immaturity wins, ironically enough.


till next time,